Voices from Our Community: I Got You Series

Joline is a proud Singaporean of Chinese and Indian heritage, mom of two, parenting coach and Director of Chapter Zero - a community led organization that advocates for Respectful Caregiving and provides resources for parents and caregivers. 

Here she shares the impact of the seemingly simple act of holding space for others, building her tribe as a single mom and parent of a neurodivergent child, and the secret to raising resilient children (it’s not what you may expect)...

Describe a significant moment or time when you were able to show up for someone and say ‘I got you’?

I love how the essence of “I got you” describes relational safety. And as a parenting coach, I’ve had the privilege of working with and seeing many parents grow over the years.

One of the most significant moments was when a parent - after over a year of support - felt safe enough to seek professional help again after having a lifetime of trauma from past experience with other professionals. 

It was amazing to be able to make an impact simply by lending an empathetic listening ear, being vulnerable and real about myself, and giving the opportunity for her to build relational safety with me.

This aligns with Circle of Security’s concept of building secure attachment and safety by having someone you trust as a safe harbour or haven, so that the individual will feel confident enough to step out of their comfort zone and build themselves up. And this same individual continues on to help others.

What is one unconventional or lesser-known truth about mental health that you wish more people knew about?

One unconventional truth about mental health is that it can be helpful for children to see us grownups struggle. They are going to sense something is going on anyway, so it’s helpful to give them the opportunity to understand what you are experiencing in an age-appropriate way. 

We can simply say, “I’m having a hard time.” and importantly, share with them and show them, what you are going to do about it. For example, “I’m going to talk to mummy or daddy (your spouse), a trusted friend, or a doctor about this, so they can help me.” 

Adversities and challenges are inevitable in life. Normalising how we seek help and receive support is such an important life skill to role model and builds our children’s ability and willingness to connect to collective care to help them navigate and overcome their challenges. This is the key to resilience.

Can you share an example of when connecting to collective care and leaning on community has helped in your journey as a Respectful Caregiving advocate and in your personal journey?

Leaning on community has definitely been a key part of my journey as a parent and human, first and foremost, and in all the parts of my growth.

Back then as a first-time mom struggling with breastfeeding and sleep deprivation, I would reach out to breastfeeding groups online. I felt the kindness of strangers when other moms would respond to me in the middle of the night while I was feeling exasperated, helpless and hopeless.

I’ve also found communities in all the different ways I stepped into parts of my parenting. I am leading a Respectful Parenting community in Singapore where we band together to reconcile child-led approaches with our Asian values. 

When I was trying to understand how to support my child’s neurodivergent needs, and was navigating being a single mother, I found that talking openly about my experience as an advocate led to others with shared experience coming to me. Over time, we formed a community, and friendships were formed for ourselves as well as for our children.

What are three things you practise as part of your mental wellbeing journey?

1. I manage my energy and resources  – As a busy mom with limited resources I am very mindful of making choices and setting boundaries within my capacity of time, finances, physical energy, emotional bandwidth and mental headspace. 
   
   I ensure that I manage them well so that I can be within my “window of tolerance” as much as possible - and be able to show up for myself, my loved ones and my community.
   
   

2. I practice Nonviolent / Compassionate Communication (NVC) as part of my self-talk and in all my relationships –  Essentially, NVC is a practice of adopting a non-judgmental lens to view situations, other people and myself, in order to connect to the underlying feelings and needs of all parties present. This helps me take on a peaceful collaborative approach to conflict resolution and problem solving.   

NVC also helps me stay connected to my authentic self, and have honest yet tactful conversations that lead to deeper understanding and relationship building.

3. I proactively build my safety net  – I’ve been building my village through my communities, my friends, my loved ones, and trusted therapists. I’ve also expanded my children’s safety net through safe and caring adults in their life in the form of therapists, coaches, teachers, as well as friends they grew up with. 
   
   Having a safety net is so important when we are going through hard times and need a safe and soft place to land. They provide resources, encouragement and guidance to keep us going   

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Joline!

Michelle Choy: Mom of six, therapist, and parenting coach shares the power of holding space and accepting help 

Aditya Kapoor: Educator and former robotics engineer shares why the way we show up for kids matter, and the secret to raising truly confident boys

Andrew Tan: Country Manager of Wantedly and co-founder of Asia Startup Network, shares how wellbeing and giving back drives a company’s mission and leads to business success

About the ‘I Got You’ series

We all need someone in our corner. And as we are accepted for who we are, we can then be that someone for others. The “I Got You” series is a nod to how interconnected our mental wellness and community are.  As part of Over-The-Rainbow’s milestone launching our Academy, we brought together cherished partners from our ecosystem in a meaningful sharing of lessons and reflections around their wellbeing journeys and the role that community had in it.

A note from The OTR Academy

After 13 years supporting youths and families, Over-The-Rainbow has launched our Academy with  a first-of-its-kind program where individuals can now join and practice with the largest community of like-minded practitioners and professionals. 

The journey in mental wellbeing begins with you, the moment you decide to take ownership of your own wellbeing. As a trained Wellbeing Champion and Wellbeing Mentor, you are at the heart of your own wellbeing circle and in a pole position to provide support for the wellbeing of your friends, your loved ones, and those in your immediate network.

Take charge today. Enrol and apply for a seat at the OTR Academy - and get certified to be a Wellbeing Champion!